You don't have to spend much time on the dating market to know how tricky it can be to attract the woman of your dreams. With online dating apps, singles are able to cast a wider net than ever before! But that doesn't mean you can't stand out from the crowd.
The common mistake many guys make with dating is to try to "trick" a woman into being attracted to them. While there are a few psychological gimmicks that may work in some cases, it's exhausting and much less fun than connecting to someone in an authentic way.
Even if you're just looking for a fun fling, you want to know the woman you're with is attracted to you. The real you, not some list of strategies you read from a book.
You've probably heard this before, but women are attracted to confidence. This may intimidate you, thinking "how do I approach women with confidence when I'm so nervous?" The problem is- you're mistaking confidence with cockiness.
Confidence just means you own your personality and all the quirks that come with it.
Take a look at Conan O'Brien. He's incredibly witty and many of his female guests are flirtatious with him as a result. He isn't a traditionally handsome man, and may be a little on the "dorky" side. But he owns who he is.
If a joke falls flat, he makes fun of himself in the moment. If he's nervous, he says so. This is true confidence- knowing who you are and being in the moment with the person you're talking to.
Let's go through some dating tips that will work for everyone, even an average looking guy. Our dating tips are well researched, from a woman's perspective, work with in person interactions, and don't involve changing your personality.
Women may approach life slightly differently from you, but at the end of the day they're just people. Instead of thinking of females as another species, use your common sense when pondering how to approach an attractive woman.
Have you ever been approached by a stranger while going about your daily business? Typically this is a person who wants to ask you for, or sell you something. Keep this in mind as you consider approaching a woman on the street. Yes, she may be beautiful- but she's also just a person on her way somewhere.
It's best to approach women in relaxed social settings. Maybe there's a local comedy show at the bar down the street, or live music at a hip coffee shop. Bring a friend and try to strike up conversation with everyone, not just women you're attracted to. The more you expose yourself to fun, social situations, the more likely you are to be noticed by an attractive individual.
If you must talk to that gorgeous stranger on the street, don't be forceful about it. Try an easy smile and some brief eye contact. If you receive a smile back, it may be appropriate to give a small wave. At this point, you have made it very obvious that if the woman you are attracted to is available for a chat, you'd love to talk to her.
Convincing a woman to approach you is all about relaxing and releasing the pressure. There's nothing sexy about someone who is desperate to say hello to a stranger, it may even make you seem unhinged!
Try not to get tunnel vision when approaching a woman you're attracted to. If you spend all night fixating on that cutie at the bar, you may not even notice the woman across the room who's been checking you out all night.
Let's face facts, not every woman is interested or available- And that's ok! Setting your sights on one person can be anxiety inducing because you've placed all your eggs in one basket.
This is why it's best to explore your options. If you're serious about meeting someone, download that cheesy dating app you swore you'd never try. Take a cooking class. Get out there and meet lots and lots of people.
Think about the men and women on a show like "Love Island." The contestants are meant to mix and mingle, but often end up becoming possessive of one person on the Island.
When that relationship doesn't work out, they're left with a bunch of people who know nothing about them. Don't be afraid to spread your wings socially. Maybe you'll meet a great friend who ends up introducing you to the woman of your dreams!
Try chatting with women so often, you don't break a sweat when you end up in a conversation with someone you really like. It isn't about being a player, it's about enjoying your social life and keeping your options open until you find that meaningful connection.
Many men make the mistake of making the conversation sexual right away. It's easy to get tongue tied and wonder how to talk to a gorgeous, sexy woman. But even if a woman is dressed in a sexy way, she'll appreciate a fun, casual conversation with an interesting person.
After all, if she's a great looking woman, she's probably already been approached with a sexual comment or two! Stand out from the crowd. Try introducing yourself and asking how her night is going so far.
This works for online interactions as well. You could say something like "hey, how's Tinder treating you tonight?" It's casual, open ended, and non sexual.
Even in this case, she may be hesitant or closed off at first. Keep in mind that women tend to be approached often and can be wary of strange men. They have every right to feel guarded at first. If a woman seems uninterested in talking, say something like "Anyway, I wanted to say hi but will let you enjoy your evening. If you'd like to chat some more, I'll be at the table over there."
In the case of online conversation, keep in mind that most people are multitasking on their phones and may not reply right away. Start the conversation, but let her reply in her own time. You don't want to come across as desperate before you've even met face to face!
Making a woman feel safe and like you're genuinely interested in what she has to say is much sexier than someone who spends an entire interaction trying to be seductive. Believe it or not, many women are turned on by someone who leaves the subject of sex off the table to begin with. You can always try a couple flirtatious comments during a longer, more private conversation.
On average, women know within 4 minutes if they're interested in you sexually. Of course, it's completely possible you can change her mind with a fun story or insightful comment, but let's make those first 4 minutes count with a great first impression.
Dress well, but keep it authentically you. Some men believe in "peacocking" by wearing flamboyant clothing. While this may attract attention and start a few conversations, do you have an outgoing personality to support that sparkly jacket or colourful hairstyle? If you do- by all means, let your freak flag fly. But you have a better chance at being approached by a woman you're truly compatible with when you let your true colours shine through.
"But what if my true colours are sweatpants and an old t-shirt?" You ask. And you're right, that's no way to attract a new sexual partner. But you could probably step it up with a comfy pair of jeans and a new tee that fits you well. Even if you're an average looking or out of shape guy, showing your best features and wearing clothes with confidence will make all the difference when stepping out.
Check out Tan France, the fashion expert from Queer Eye on Netflix. He always finds a way to dress men in something that's a step up from their regular wardrobe, but still suits their personality.
You don't have to be a fashion expert to pick out something that fits well in a colour that looks good on you. If you're really lost, bring a fashionable friend to your next outing, or find a celebrity with a similar build to yours and screencap a couple outfits for your next shopping trip.
Taking a little extra care goes a long way, and who knows? Maybe in your new outfit you won't have to approach anyone. You might just be the one getting some attention!
As for your online dating profile- the same rules apply! Find a picture that represents you, but choose one in a flattering outfit. A well dressed guy will stand out in a sea of shirtless gym selfies.
As for the rest of your gallery, a woman is more likely to be attracted to someone who shows off their personality. Use some photos with friends doing something you love, or upload that hilarious Halloween photo.
A series of pictures where you're alone make you seem lonely, and that's no fun. Women want to join someone's life, not create one for them. So show off your day to day. If you're an introvert, try a photo of you reading your favourite book.
When you find yourself in conversation with an attractive female, it's natural to get nervous about where it's going next. First, remember to relax and ignore the gimmicks. One easy way to make anyone feel interesting and listened to is to ask open ended questions.
Try "so, what brings you out tonight?", "how do you know the birthday girl?" or, if you're already talking about something like a movie or a book you could simply say "what did you like most about it?"
This is a great way to avoid making someone feel like they're being interrogated. Think of the closed versions of these questions: "Do you come here a lot?", "Do you know the birthday girl?" or "Did you see that movie?" It's easy to see that the second line of questioning is awkward because it doesn't really lead anywhere. If the lady you're chatting with isn't warmed up for conversation, she may be turned off by a cold line of questioning. Give her a chance to chat about her life, and the things that excite her.
After all, most people's favourite subject is themselves! This isn't to say you can't throw in an opinion or anecdote, but if a woman's eyes light up when she's talking about a certain subject, she'll appreciate it if you ask some open ended questions before skipping to the next subject.
So, at the end of the day, what do women find attractive? The answer isn't as mysterious as some people would make it out to be. Find out who you are, and flaunt it!
If you mute your personality or memorize a list of "tricks" to attract women, you'll seem less appealing in the long run. Most women are highly intuitive and can sense when someone is trying out some strategy. Keep in mind that women have access to all the same dating literature you do, and may recognize a pickup line from a mile away.
Really enjoying your time with someone is about compatibility, and you can't have that if you aren't being yourself. If you're a nerd, try joining some fan forums or going to a comic book convention. If you're a gym rat, take a co-ed boot camp class.
You may think you're limiting the number of women you attract by being specific, but women are attracted to someone who knows who they are and what they want out of life.
You may meet some women who are not attracted to you based on your passion for french cheeses, but that just means you eliminated someone you aren't compatible with, and are one step closer to finding those fireworks and chemistry you've been looking for.
"I'm sending this memo to every guy in the world. Making an effort with your wardrobe doesn't make you a wuss. Making an effort means you're serious about the life that you want."
Tell us here if you find these tips useful and what would you like to know!